On loving

Below is something I said to a friend via private message last year. In the conversation, he was asking me whether I was in love.

• • Hindi ko alam. Mas malalim na pag-iisip ang kelangan diyan. Kapag sinabi mong gusto mo ang isang tao, inaamin mo na may mga bagay sa pagkatao nya na kinagigiliwan mo. Pero kapag sinabi mong na-in-love ka na sa isang tao, ibig sabihin nun pinagkasundo mo na yung puso at isip mo sa isang desisyon na pwedeng magpabago ng buhay mo. Napakalaking bagay ng pagiging in-love.  Sa ngayon, hindi ko pa masasabing niyakap ko na ang napakalaking (at napakagandang) bagay na yan. Marami pa kong kakaining bigas. At ayokong mabulunan. 

Love is

"Love is saying, 'I feel differently' instead of 'you're wrong.'" -Unknown

from Letters to Juliet

The greatest love story ever told is your own.

Hold your head high, heavy heart.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. 

-Gigi, He's Just Not That Into You (2009)

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." 
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"Words are like nets - we hope they'll cover what we mean, but we know they can't possibly hold that much joy, or grief, or wonder. Like falling in love or finding god, if it happens to you, you know what it feels like. But try to describe it to someone else - and language only takes you so far." 

— Jodi Picoult (Change of Heart)

"Do you know how sometimes - when you are riding your bike and you start skidding across sand, or when you miss a step and start tumbling down the stairs - you have those long, long seconds to know that you are going to be hurt, and badly?" 
— Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper)