En route to the office this morning, I met the man I first had a crush on. As I was on my usual brisk walking mode, I was already a stride away when I recognized him. I smiled at myself at the sudden thought and went ahead with my walking, post observing that he still has the same handsomeness bettered with age. Too bad, he's too old for me plus for a fact, he's married. So delete that handsomeness observation dear damsel and stress the point that he's way old now whilst you're young and free.
Speaking of free. Not in the sense that I'm available or what. I am--- reserved, that is. :)
---
Despite the stories that etch the concept of happy-ever-afters away, fairy tales still hold true in my heart. I believe that we are all meant for something great and beautiful not because we deserve it but because God wanted the best for us. Whatever we end up with is a result of our choices.
---
Now that's all for now. Out of my head, back to the world.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Walang pumapasok sa isip ko ngayon
Kaya magsusulat na lang ulit ako.
Nabigla yata ako sa dami ng kailangang gawin ngayong taon. Punung-puno na naman ako ng pag-asa at mga plano. Binubudburan ko na naman ng gantt charts ang buhay. Plano sa ministry, plano sa trabaho, plano sa graduate school. Plan A, B, C. Sana wag naman akong sumemplang ngayong taon. Inaamin kong palpak ang 2009. Pero sana akin na ang taong ito. Hindi pala sana, akin na. Akin ang taong ito.
Sa ngayon.
Momentum ang tawag dito. Punong-puno ako ng laman na kailangang isabog sa bawat araw dahil kung hindi lagot ako sa nanay ko, sa tatay ko, sa lola ko, sa boss ko, sa mga magiging prof ko, sa parish priest namin. Pero gayunpaman, matapos ang lahat, pumalpak man ako ulit o lumipad sa alapaap, ipinapangako ko sa sarili kong mamahalin ko pa rin siya.
Sabi nga nila, human beings tayo, di human doings. Kailangang isaksak ko yan sa isip ko ngayon pa lang para kung sakali e walang bitteran.
Life is good. Life will still be life kahit mamatay ako. Kaya kailangan kong bigyang hustisya ang buhay sa pamamagitan ng mga pang-araw-araw kong ginagawa. Ang lakas nga ng loob kong magsulat ngayon. I-ni-link ko pa sa Facebook ang blog ko para mabasa ng lahat. Wag lang sana niyang mabasa yung mga post na may kinalaman sa kanya, kung sakali wag sana siyang mag-assume dahil as usual, idedeny ko. Salamat kay Jas sa pagsasabing, "Live in the now."
---
Napakinggan ko yung interview ni Jo Taruc kay GMA kahapon tungkol sa mga nagawa ng huli sa Pilipinas bago ito tuluyang (sanang) bumaba ng pwesto. Marami rin naman talaga siyang nagawa, may sense din naman ang economic impact niya sa bansa. Buti may boses pa siyang inihaharap sa mundo pagkatapos ng lahat. Kapag naaalala ko kasi ang boses niya, isa lang ang tunog na umaalingawngaw sa isip ko: "I am sorry."
---
Babalik na ko sa realidad kung saan naghihintay sakin ang mga mahal kong gantt charts.
Nabigla yata ako sa dami ng kailangang gawin ngayong taon. Punung-puno na naman ako ng pag-asa at mga plano. Binubudburan ko na naman ng gantt charts ang buhay. Plano sa ministry, plano sa trabaho, plano sa graduate school. Plan A, B, C. Sana wag naman akong sumemplang ngayong taon. Inaamin kong palpak ang 2009. Pero sana akin na ang taong ito. Hindi pala sana, akin na. Akin ang taong ito.
Sa ngayon.
Momentum ang tawag dito. Punong-puno ako ng laman na kailangang isabog sa bawat araw dahil kung hindi lagot ako sa nanay ko, sa tatay ko, sa lola ko, sa boss ko, sa mga magiging prof ko, sa parish priest namin. Pero gayunpaman, matapos ang lahat, pumalpak man ako ulit o lumipad sa alapaap, ipinapangako ko sa sarili kong mamahalin ko pa rin siya.
Sabi nga nila, human beings tayo, di human doings. Kailangang isaksak ko yan sa isip ko ngayon pa lang para kung sakali e walang bitteran.
Life is good. Life will still be life kahit mamatay ako. Kaya kailangan kong bigyang hustisya ang buhay sa pamamagitan ng mga pang-araw-araw kong ginagawa. Ang lakas nga ng loob kong magsulat ngayon. I-ni-link ko pa sa Facebook ang blog ko para mabasa ng lahat. Wag lang sana niyang mabasa yung mga post na may kinalaman sa kanya, kung sakali wag sana siyang mag-assume dahil as usual, idedeny ko. Salamat kay Jas sa pagsasabing, "Live in the now."
---
Napakinggan ko yung interview ni Jo Taruc kay GMA kahapon tungkol sa mga nagawa ng huli sa Pilipinas bago ito tuluyang (sanang) bumaba ng pwesto. Marami rin naman talaga siyang nagawa, may sense din naman ang economic impact niya sa bansa. Buti may boses pa siyang inihaharap sa mundo pagkatapos ng lahat. Kapag naaalala ko kasi ang boses niya, isa lang ang tunog na umaalingawngaw sa isip ko: "I am sorry."
---
Babalik na ko sa realidad kung saan naghihintay sakin ang mga mahal kong gantt charts.
Flashes
I wanna go back to the times when my only problems were:
... where to keep my toys
... what Mama would cook or buy for merienda
... how to sneak out during siesta
... what furniture to use so I could reach the pantry cabinet where Mama kept the popcorn box
... what time would Papa come home
... what to order at Jollibee after our Sunday mass
... what time would my playmates appear on our backyard
... how to get perfect scores in test
... what to draw
... pleading for Mama to take me to the market with her
... where to find my lost big yellow doll
... what trick to do with my younger sister
... what to give the monkey at the Wildlife
... how to hide from the magsasako
... where to keep my toys
... what Mama would cook or buy for merienda
... how to sneak out during siesta
... what furniture to use so I could reach the pantry cabinet where Mama kept the popcorn box
... what time would Papa come home
... what to order at Jollibee after our Sunday mass
... what time would my playmates appear on our backyard
... how to get perfect scores in test
... what to draw
... pleading for Mama to take me to the market with her
... where to find my lost big yellow doll
... what trick to do with my younger sister
... what to give the monkey at the Wildlife
... how to hide from the magsasako
How does one disentangle herself with memories?
As the hands of the clock turn
Memories become shreds of tissues
that go 'round
and around
and around
They go 'round
and around
and go
Deep
Deeper
Deeper
to the deepest
Uniting themselves with
the cells
that are the very substance
of life
Now how does one
disentangle herself with tissues
of memories gone 'round
and around
and around
and deep
deeper
to the deepest?
Memories become shreds of tissues
that go 'round
and around
and around
They go 'round
and around
and go
Deep
Deeper
Deeper
to the deepest
Uniting themselves with
the cells
that are the very substance
of life
Now how does one
disentangle herself with tissues
of memories gone 'round
and around
and around
and deep
deeper
to the deepest?
To Past
I had a wonderful Sunday. After the fruitful youth ministry meeting, Jas, Cristy and I went to eat fishballs at UP. I really missed setting foot on that beloved campus, much more tasting its street foods with friends. After chit-chatting and eating, we walked to the UP chapel for the mass. And voila! Someone poked me as I was wiping my dear eyeglasses-- it's Mean!
Oh, how I missed spending time with this pretty friend of mine. We promised to see each other this week to catch up and perhaps to discuss about that guy in blue.
---
On our way home, Jas opened the topic of love. And I was surprised to find myself babbling about the orange guy. I told them I was not ready to open myself up to relationships, not at this point, when I knew that deep inside, there would always be a part of me remembering how good it was for the sky to be painted with the color of the sunset.
Then Jas said, "Live in the now."
---
It had been hard to live in the here and now. It would be for a long time. But I have learned the tricks somehow.
And today, I choose to be happy with the rising of the sun.
Oh, how I missed spending time with this pretty friend of mine. We promised to see each other this week to catch up and perhaps to discuss about that guy in blue.
---
On our way home, Jas opened the topic of love. And I was surprised to find myself babbling about the orange guy. I told them I was not ready to open myself up to relationships, not at this point, when I knew that deep inside, there would always be a part of me remembering how good it was for the sky to be painted with the color of the sunset.
Then Jas said, "Live in the now."
---
It had been hard to live in the here and now. It would be for a long time. But I have learned the tricks somehow.
And today, I choose to be happy with the rising of the sun.
Friday, January 22, 2010
One-Hand
Don't wonder
if I find solace in observing
than in being
I need to look and stare
a glimpse is enough
so I could tell
I don't need to feel love
to know it's there
It's enough that I see
I hear
I feel
to write
I don't need another hand to hold mine
I need my hand to be free
so I could write.
if I find solace in observing
than in being
I need to look and stare
a glimpse is enough
so I could tell
I don't need to feel love
to know it's there
It's enough that I see
I hear
I feel
to write
I don't need another hand to hold mine
I need my hand to be free
so I could write.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I don't know what to write about
I am rather confused with the way things happen now in my life. But I am comforted with the fact that my God is here with me, seeing me through it all.
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