Sunday, February 27, 2011

Nothing is more practical than finding God

Nothing is more practical
than finding God, that is,
than falling in love in a quite absolute way.

What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, who you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you
with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

- Fr. Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

Find me, please.


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Love moves in mysterious ways.

Love moves in mysterious ways. Yan ang LSS ko ngayon. Inspired? Pwede. In-love? Hindi. Matagal-tagal ko nang kinalumutan ang pakiramdam na yun. Kailangan, sa tingin ko.

Katulad ng pagsiksik ng libro sa book shelf, isiniksik ko na namang muli ang puso ko sa shelf. Until I fall in love again, sabi nga ni David Pomeranz sa isang kanta niya.

Ganun pa man, naniniwala pa rin ako sa magandang kwento ng pag-ibig. Hindi ako bitter dahil ayokong maging ganun. Napakagandang karanasan ng umibig para lang maging cynical ako. Sa tingin ko, kung napapait ng pag-ibig ang isang tao, hindi iyon tunay na pag-ibig. Dahil ang tunay na pag-ibig, nakakapagpabuti sa tao, happy ending man o hindi.

Ano ba tong sinasabi ko?

Kasalanan ito ni David Pomeranz ulit. Ang totoo kinanta ko na naman ang My Favorite Story kanina. Akala ko kasi wala nang epekto ang mga linya. Meron pa rin pala. Nakakatawa pero totoo nga yatang siya ang favorite story ko. I should have known all along when I looked in his eyes.

Siya ang favorite story ko na palagi kong babalik-balikan.

Kasi love moves in mysterious ways.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Because it's worth it.

Here's how the day went, just for the record. Not that it's a big deal. Not that this day was something so extraordinary. No nothing. Really. Enough of the rationalizations. Just plain, pure gushing of grateful thoughts for a special day which I thought would not be so special. Promise. No nothing.

I woke up knowing it's the day lovers in the world wait for. Because ever since, I've never been a lover in the official sense of the world, I knew I shouldn't make a fuss about it. But somehow, my heart got infected by the hearts' day virus. Maybe because somehow, love has knocked on my door several times but something kept me from opening it. So there, still my heart got infected because somehow the fumes of love seethed through the teeny holes around my cardiac muscle.

And so when I saw two young ladies clad in bonnet, sweater and pajamas, offering their flowers-for-sale to me, as I rushed up the Blue Bridge stairs, I stopped to look at the flowers and smilingly recalled the times I got some during the past. Upon remembering that the giver lied to me, I suddenly noticed that the flowers the two ladies were selling looked worn out, with some petals already black. Quickly, I walked onwards, and a petite young man in black shirt walked past me, on his hand a red rose wrapped in plastic. He walked quicker than me, as if the woman he was giving the flowers to would be marching on the aisle of Gesu Church to be married to another man. He did not even bother looking around. "Like a bull who has seen a red cloth," I said to myself. But I smiled. That man, rushing towards the woman he loves with a red rose in his hand, one Valentine's morning.

As in most days in the office, the hours ran like a thief stealing away times of our lives we could never get back. Then it was lunchtime. A friend introduced us to a young lady who has undergone traumatic experiences. He said she has a boyfriend. I hoped deep inside that the boyfriend is at least worth the pain. Love should be. Now, my black-and-white expectations of the world say hello. And it's Love's day.

My friends and I had a spur-of-the-moment kind of date behind Cervini Hall, where, sitting among the benches under a tree, we talked about not having a date for the night and sex education. Haha! I still find it funny and at the same time fun. With these friends, I am not afraid to dip my hands into any topic.

And then one of them talked about commitment before leaving the office (which I will write about in a separate article). I smiled because it was a grand wrap-up for Love's day.

And it did not end there. I got my favorite Macadamia Nuts chocolates from a very thoughtful friend.

Best of all, I went home to a family who loves me above anyone else in the world.

I am single, in-love, and loved. :)

Happy hearts' day everyone!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tungkol sa Paglimot

Paano kung ang paglimot ay isa ring daang pabalik sa simula?

Tanong ko yan sa sarili ko sa facebook kanina habang kumakawala ang isip ko sa trabaho. Sinagot naman ito ng isa kong kaibigan ng isa ring tanong: Paano siya magiging daang pabalik?

Paano nga ba? Napatunganga ako habang hinahayaang muling umalpas ang isip ko at dumapo sa samu't-saring paghihinuha. 

Sa tingin ko ang paglimot ay nagiging daan pabalik sa simula dahil sa mismong dahilan ng paglimot. Dahil ang dahilan ng pagkagusto sa paglimot ay hindi lamang dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman. Ang dahilan ng pagnanasang makalimot ay upang muling mabisita ang simula kung saan wala pang sakit. Kung saan ang bawat hakbang, tantyado man o hindi, ay bumubulag sa mga mata. Kung saan may pangako pa ng saya.

Gusto mong kalimutan ang sakit at ang tao o bagay na may dala ng sakit pero ayaw mong bitiwan ang pangako ng sayang hawak mo simula pa nung una. Gusto mong lumimot pero ayaw mong bitiwan ang pag-asa.

Kaya bumabalik ka sa simula. Parehong pag-asa. Maaaring sa pareho o ibang tao o bagay, pero parehong hinahangad, parehong paraan. Kaya ka bumabalik sa simula. At inuulit mo lang ang sakit. Inuulit mo ang sakit hanggang sa hindi mo na ito maramdaman. Hanggang sa pati ang dahilan kung bakit mo ito inuulit ay hindi mo na rin nararamdaman.

Sabi ng makatang si Pablo Neruda, "Maikli ang pag-ibig, ngunit ang paglimot, kay-tagal." Dahil ang totoo, ayaw nating bumitaw. ♥

A smile that remembers

I still look at you with a smile that stretches wide. Years after my having left that waiting area, I still find myself glancing at your photos and smiling to myself. I smile at the memories you thanked me for. I smile at the laughter you gave me, way, way back.

Midweek

Last night, my Bible's sharp carton edge
cut through the thin skin on my wrist
I waited for blood to squirt out
Nothing came.
Can a woman be dead
even as she breathes?

The River

You know a dream is like a river 
Ever changin' as it flows 
And a dreamer's just a vessel 
That must follow where it goes 
Trying to learn from what's behind you 
And never knowing what's in store 
Makes each day a constant battle 
Just to stay between the shores 
And I will sail my vessel 
'Til the river runs dry 
Like a bird upon the wind 
These waters are my sky 
I'll never reach my destination 
If I never try 
So I will sail my vessel 
'Til the river runs dry 
Too many times we stand aside 
And let the waters slip away 
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow 
It has now become today 
So don't you sit upon the shoreline 
And say you're satisfied 
Choose to chance the rapids 
And dare to dance that tide 
And I will sail my vessel 
'Til the river runs dry 
Like a bird upon the wind 
These waters are my sky 
I'll never reach my destination 
If I never try 
So I will sail my vessel 
'Til the river runs dry 
There's bound to be rough waters 
And I know I'll tke soome falls 
With the good Lord as my captain 
I can make it through them all 
And I will sail my vessel 
'Til the river runs dry 
Like a bird upon the wind 
These waters are my sky 
I'll never reach my destination 
If I never try 
So I will sail my vessel 
'Til the river runs dry 
Lord, I will sail my vessel 
'Til the river runs dry 
Yea 


-The River, Garth Brooks

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Bonheur, amour et foi: 2011

Image taken from http://www.cyrildphotos.com/images/0001.jpg

This is the image on my office desktop right now. Doesn't the child look dreamily excited?

It's how I would like this new year to be-- full of excitement and dreams fulfilled.

Of course, with love and faith, nothing is impossible.

The door is open, out I go.