To write is to experience pain

Inside me is a monster who craves for words and ideas I write. Such a gruesome monster he (or she) is. He (or she) lives somewhere deep in my stomach, ready to punch away all the food I gulped along with my digestive acid. When he stretches his (or her) mouth wide open, it crunches my bones to the deep. The pain travels through my veins up to my brain sending signals that it's time for me to write. It won't stop until I switch open my desktop to write and puke, write and puke, write and puke.

Sometimes, I am extremely disgusted by what I spill on a blank word document.

on Books, fictionally speaking

I just learned today that November is National Book Month. Too late for me to know since it's already the 23rd of November. Had I known about it earlier, I should have done some sort of commemmorating the existence of what for me is man's most wonderful creation-- books.

But I guess late is better than never. So in the spirit of my love for books, I scribbled down my favorite books of all times:

1. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. I read this short novel when I was in grade two. This small book was brought home by Mama one day, I don't remember when. The book still rests on my book shelf up to this day.

2. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway. Again, Mom's prescription. I didn't get the message of the book not until I read it several times during gradeschool. Uh, and I think I lost whatever concept I had conjured out of its pages when I grew up. But the work somehow made its way through my system that I would list Hemingway as one of the best writers I have ever fictionally met.

3. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. For all its sense and sensibility.

4. My Antonia by Willa Cather. I thought of naming my female child after the main character in this book.

5. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. For all its vivid and ironic imageries.

6. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens. Again, dramatic.

7. Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul. This book was a gift from a friend who knows my passion and love for writing. When are we having the Chicken Soup for the Readers' Soul?

8. Vagina Monologue by Eve Ensler and Castel of Crossed Destinies by Italo Calvino. Ma'am Amy's prescription when I was at the crossroad of my college life.

9. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I read it several times. It's definitely something recommended for everyone.

10. Jules Verne's series. Books Mom brought home for me to while away the hour after school.

I'll add more when titles creep on my head in a later time.

Happy National Book Month!

My Slipper's Other Half

I won’t go out of my house with just one slipper on. That’s the rule.

This other half.

It tickles me one time and bits my foot on other times.

It has been a companion in my short yet long journey of struggles, of keeping up, of going along, of standing above this ocean of life.

Yes, a gift it is, for it came from Him who created me.

But there are instances when I want to throw the other half away because of the itch it sometimes causes me.

I have the freedom to choose, right?

So it comes to a point when I feel that the water is already way above the rim and I just have to let go, and find another pair, or perhaps walk barefooted.

This moment of surrendering my slipper’s other half has been coming in various ways and times.

And so in times like those, in moments of giving up, in flashes of turning my back away

I look at it again

And I find it cute, funny, crazy, incomprehensible, healed, imperfect, calloused, wounded, wise, breakable, porous, unbendable, flexible, at service, out of bounds, in love, stupid, practical, illusive, friendly, snub, gentle, appreciative, responsible, harmful, beautiful, all wrapped into one.

How can I throw such an other half?

It’s the only PYM slipper I have. And keep it I should. That’s the rule.

Pinunit na panaginip

Paunti-unti kung bumuo ng pangarap ang tao
Nag-iiba sa bawat hakbang at bawat liko
Hindi makuntento kung hindi ipapangako
Hindi titigil hanggang hindi maabot ang dulo

Hahalughugin ang bawat sulok
Babanatin ang buto't kakalugin ang ulo
Babasag ng bungo, huhukay ng gulo
Hanggang ang panaginip ay magkatotoo

Isang iglap lang, maaaring magbago
Binuong panaginip, pupunitin ng poo't
Ihahagis sa lambak nang pira-piraso
Hanggang mata'y mamulat sa sadyang totoo

Choices

As I look back over the 23 years of my life, I end up wondering about the choices I made of which there must have been already a multitude. And then I end up asking, did I choose this life or did this life choose me?

-written on the 4th of November at 6:44 am, after registering for the 2010 polls

Ano sa Tagalog ang Writer's Block?

Ewan. Hindi ko alam. Basta ang alam ko lang e yung pakiramdam. Di ko masabi. Di ko mahugot sa dulo ng utak ko yung gusto kong sabihin. Wala pala akong masabing anuman. Pinagsusulat ako pero nagliliparan ang mga salita sa kung saan. Uupo ako at tutulala, wala!

Iyon na nga siguro ang writer's block.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ano sa Tagalog ang writer's block? Di ko matranslate.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uulitin ko ang tanong: Ano ang Writer's Block?

Uulitin ko ang sagot: Ewan.

Ano sa Tagalog ang 'Writing Break'?

Hindi ako makakapagpatuloy sa isang araw nang di nagsusulat. Ewan ko ba. Basta may hawak akong panulat, bira nang bira ang isip at kamay ko. Nagsasayaw sa papel. Kapag wala naman akong hawak na kahit anong panulat, nagsusulat ako sa hangin atsaka ibibilin sa sariling tandaan ang plot dahil baka makalimutan. Kapag hindi naman ako nagsusulat sa papel o sa hangin, nagbabalak naman akong magsulat. Ganoon din, nagsusulat. Sakit ko na yata ang pagsusulat. Umiikot ang sikmura ko kapag alam kong may nakalimutan akong bagay na dapat ay isinulat ko. Halimbawa ay 'yung kwento tungkol sa mga magkakapitbahay na nitso sa Loyola Memorial Park. Bigla namang sisikdo ang dibdib ko kapag naalala kong tungkol pala iyon sa laro ng mga kaluluwa--paramihan ng bisita at pabonggahan ng selebrasyon ng Araw ng mga Patay.

Minsan, kahit madaling araw, gigising ako dahil may kakaiba akong panaginip. Isusulat ko yun sandali sa isip ko tapos muli akong pipikit. Kapag naalala ko pa iyon sa umaga isusulat ko pa iyon. Sa gitna ng trabaho, kapag may pumuslit na ideya sa isip ko, magbubukas ako ng blog o di kaya'y MS Word tapos ipagsisigawan ko na ang ideyang iyon sa computer. Maski may kausap ako, basta't may hawak akong papel, hala sige, doodle. May dumaang kahel na kuting, maliit, hinahabol ang langaw. Kahit ano, sinusulat ko.

Adik na yata ako.

Ayokong tigilan ang pagsusulat dahil ayaw rin niya akong tigilan. Quits lang.

Ano nga sa Tagalog ang 'Writing Break'?