The day after

On my way to work this morning, I saw a friend on the road, smiling. "Antok pa?" I returned her question with a touch on her shoulder. Her shoulder felt like my pillow. I smiled.

This morning is not like most mornings. It feels like I got drunk last night. The series of days before this morning was unlike my usual days, where everything was spic-and-span. Those were good old days, and I miss them, a lot. But they're gone. Either they were snatched away or buried. And yesterday was the climax of the series.

This morning assured me of a different sensation. It is as if I just got into hell and ended up back in my room, cuddled in my bed.

I love this morning.

---
"Reading dreams. That's what started her walking down the road. Every day she'd walk a little further: a mile, and come home. Two miles, and come home. One day she just kept on." -Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany's

Samantala

Samantala, ang kasiyahan, simbilis man ng isang saglit, ay maaaring mag-iwan ng panghabambuhay na marka.

Alaala

Mahilig akong magtago ng mga alaala. Ticket ng bus, resibo ng fastfood o restaurant, pahina ng kwaderno, mga sulat. Mga isang kahon ang meron ako sa bahay. Iyong iba, napipilitan na kong itapon nang may panghihinayang, kasi nagbubukbok na. Kagabi naalala kong may mga alaala pa ko sa'yo. Hindi ko na kukunin mula sa iyo. Alam ko namang aalagaan mo ang mga iyon.

Hanggang sa muling pagkikita.

Ako ay may lobo

Ang lobong de-patpat, ligtas nga, ligtas, pero di lumilipad

-Mr. Ron Capinding, ISEW for New Faculty 2010

Writing on clay

I have almost forgotten how to write. As I typed out those words, I was thinking if I it was more apt to write that I have actually forgotten how to. But as is needed for survival, I embraced the assumption that I have not absolutely deleted my capacity to write but that I have only almost forgotten. I have been on the brink of almost spilling all my writing memories. The adverb "almost" exudes a glint of hope, a tiny glint of tiny hope.

From this tiny glint of tiny hope I move on desiring that in my struggle to recover I'd eventually find my way back to writing.

This struggle simultaneously takes place with my struggle with life in general. Lately, I feel like a clay pot in the making process. My now is like the feeling of a handful of clay, undefined. The potter knows what I am going to be. The clay doesn't. The clay wants to know but she can only feel her way through as she let the potter mold her, sometimes needing great amount of heat to achieve his goal. The clay is afraid she won't be useful. She is afraid that her now is not useful. She is afraid the potter might just throw her away. She is in a struggle within herself. Yet she has to believe that she is "almost" there.

Yesterday, when I was young

This song was the soundtrack of the movie which just made me cry liters of tears-- Once in a Summer. I'll write more about the film after the pain subsides.

Yesterday, when I was young,
The taste of life was sweet, as rain upon my tongue,
I teased at life, as if it were a foolish game,
The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned,
I always built, alas, on weak and shifting sand,
I lived by night, and shunned the naked light of day,
And only now, I see, how the years ran away

Yesterday, when I was young,
So many happy songs were waiting to be sung,
So many wild pleasures lay in store for me,
And so much pain, my dazzled eyes refused to see

I ran so fast that time, and youth at last ran out,
I never stopped to think, what life, was all about,
And every conversation, I can now recall,
Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all

Yesterday, the moon was blue,
And every crazy day, brought something new to do,
I used my magic age, as if it were a wand,
And never saw the worst, and the emptiness beyond

The game of love I played, with arrogance and pride,
And every flame I lit, too quickly, quickly died,
The friends I made, all seemed somehow to drift away,
And only I am left, on stage to end the play

There are so many songs in me, that won't be sung,
I feel the bitter taste, of tears upon my tongue,
The time has come for me to pay,
For yesterday, when I was young

Beautiful letters

When I come across
beautiful letters
strung together,
a phrase,
a poem,
a story,
my heart stops.


-h

Hild

Oh, when I flung my heart away,
The year was at its fall.
I saw my dear, the other day,
Beside a flowering wall;
And this was all I had to say:
"I thought that he was tall!"

Healed by Dorothy Parker

My name shortened, "Hild", in a way that would enrage my speech communication professor, sounds like "Healed". In the same way does the above poem written by my new-found friend, seems to reflect my current predisposition relating to how I saw certain people in my past. Always, nature has its way of claiming that sometimes love can be blinding. Perhaps, perhaps, only true love can unveil a blinded pair of sights.

While awaiting the truth behind that assumption, I'll drink all the coffee I could leisurely gulp. :)

Ipinakikilala, ang bago kong kaibigan

Kakakilala ko lang kay Dorothy Parker. Nang mabasa ko ang ilan sa mga tula niya, naalala ko ang sinabi ni San Agustin: "Too late have I known thee."

Charles Dickens

Who call him spurious and shoddy
Shall do it o'er my lifeless body.
I heartily invite such birds
To come outside and say those words!

Dorothy Parker


Sa tingin ko, magkakasundo kami ni Dorothy.

In the End

When words of stones were thrown upon me, perpetrators heard not a single word from my mouth. Friends began to be divided into the real and the unreal. One thing that painful experience taught me was to be ever thankful and faithful to the real ones. Because as Martin Luther King, Jr. put it, "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

Li(o)ving

Live, laugh, love
Look, lure, love
Look, leap, love
Live, love, lie
Love, laugh, leave
Live, love, long

At la(o)st, li(o)ve. Again.

-h

Blank

At a corner in the coffee shop
I stared blankly on the glass wall
looking through the raindrops falling
carelessly on the roofs of cars
coming and going

Random raindrops trickling down
on the pavement
making tepid pools
cupping waters of memories
melting down
the wall of oblivion.

Keep moving

"Know, therefore, that they are not gods, and do not fear them." -Baruch 5:64

Keep moving, and believe that God is moving along with you. :)

I hope

I HOPE YOU DANCE (Lee Ann Womack)

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

The Truth

God gives us not what we want but what we need. Sometimes what we want coincides with what we need. Sometimes, it doesn't. When we're torn between what we want and what we need, the world would tell us to follow our hearts, take the leap and risk.

Although the resounding voice tells me to jump in and take the risk, a silent voice whispers that I have to let God be. Sometimes, I just have to take a step back and recollect about the things that matter more than what I feel, more than what my heart desires.

The Gospel today reminded me of that which is most important. That something will not be taken away from me, despite the stones unturned, the disappointments, the unfulfilled hopes, and the unrealized dreams. That is His love, ever unfailing.

And that truth will never fail to make me smile. :)

A Happy Beginning

One more theory paper and I'm done with the semester. I can't wait for it to finish. Have I been a semester better? That I don't know yet but one thing is sure-- I am a semester happier. So far things have been going well academically speaking. But there's still a lot to be done. I am still at the onset of my graduate school life, hence the journey ahead is long.

Haaay. :)

Dahil wala akong tulog

Ang linggong ito ay walang tulugan. Gusto ko nang tumakbo papunta sa kama at maglakbay papuntang mundo ng mga panaginip! Pero pilit kong hinihila ang sarili ko sa direksyon ng realidad. Papers, projects, trabaho, eskwela, church activities, librong di matapos-tapos... at di masimu-simulang mga bagay. Naiipit na yata ako sa mabilis na gulong ng buhay. Pero masaya naman ang pakiramdam. Kailangan ko lang sigurong magdahan-dahan. E kung dahan-dahan kaya akong umuwi at matulog? :(

---

Namiss ko na ang matinong pagsusulat. Palagi ko na lang sinasabing namimiss ko na ang pagsusulat nitong mga nakalipas na, oo, taon. Magtatatlong taon na kong di nagsusulat nang matino. Namimiss ko na ang mga araw kung kailan parang kasing normal lang ng paghinga ang pagsusulat ng kung anu-ano para sa akin.

Ngayon, ang pagsusulat ay parang pagpipilit na magpatalbog ng mga bato-- matunog pero walang ritmo. Hinahanap ko ngayon ang dating ugnayan namin ng sinulat na salita. Ang tanong, mahanap ko pa kaya?

Principle of Magnetism

---

Heard this song while prepping up for work this morning. It has kept playing on my head for almost the whole of today. If all that's happening around and within are considerably negative events, I definitely have people to thank for ushering in the positives.

Your Feet

When I cannot look at your face
I look at your feet.
Your feet of arched bone,
your hard little feet.
I know that they support you,
and that your sweet weight
rises upon them.
Your waist and your breasts,
the doubled purple
of your nipples,
the sockets of your eyes
that have just flown away,
your wide fruit mouth,
your red tresses,
my little tower.
But I love your feet
only because they walked
upon the earth and upon
the wind and upon the waters,
until they found me.

-Pablo Neruda

You have a point, Billy.

I think this song captures something about me and most of the woman I know. :) Rainy days like this is a time for good music. Billy Joel is on my list.

Not like the movies, indeed.

This one so far, tops my music hit of the year. Good thing, I've waken up. No need for further mumbling. :)

Limits

"Ang buhay ay mas malawak kaysa mga kategorya ng isip." 

-Paring Bert Alejo, SJ, Pebrero 2008, habang nananghalian kasama ang OMIOD team sa Ateneo de Davao

Holiday Twist

Starting today, I’ll make the most of my holidays. I won’t lay my hands on work or required school reading.  That’s what I did yesterday. And it was the most fun-and-wisdom-filled of all Quezon City days of my life.

The day before Quezon City day, I planned to clean-up our bedroom and fix my files, apart from going to a scheduled meeting with the Parish Youth Ministry.

But a major twist came at around ten in that evening. Ilia called and asked me to act for her film project. Torn-shocked, I eventually yielded. Ilia is my very close friend, I’d regret the day I turn my back on her. That’s serious, no strings attached. Although she explicitly said that I and another friend may ask her for anything, except her soul-- and money. Haha!

So even if I don’t have any inkling on acting, and that all my life, what I know I’m comfortable at is critiquing actors, I ended up packing up clothes for the shooting. Come what may.

At ten the next day, at Trigo Café, Bahay ng Alumni, I came to see Ilia again after some weeks. It was also a chance of new encounters. I got acquainted with a mother and a child. The child was supposed to be my actress-child in Ilia’s film. Good though that I looked more like an older sister to the child than a mother. Therefore, I landed on assisting Ilia instead with the audio, giving her some minor inputs on camera foci.

I had a brief encounter with the child’s mother who shared with me stuff about motherhood and working in a textbook publishing firm. She reminded me of my personal dreams when I finally become a mother. And so did the mother of Trigo Café’s head chef’s mom. I was alone taking lunch (for as usual, I’m always the last to finish) when Tita Femia came and sat in the chair in front of me. She started talking about her plans to acquire the café, that it’s a place where she and her son bond, that she retired early from being a chemist so she can have more time with her son, that her son loves food photography, that all the photos in the menu and all around the café, except for the sandwich takes, were taken by her son, that she enjoys riding home and back with her son every day, and that she wants to spend the rest of her life by her son’s child.

I ended up taking out blueberry cheesecake and coffee blum cake from the café. But what I enjoyed more taking out with me were the stories of those two mothers, set in Trigo.

Trigo Cafe shot taken from  http://www.yesnomeh.com/2010_03_01_archive.html

The title of Ilia’s film was Saan Nabibili ang Happy Ending?. I thought those two mothers and their children have already bought theirs. ♥

---

By the way, I think it's also worth telling that after a couple of years, I finally decided to have a different haircut. I'm looking forward to more exciting changes that will lead to my own happy ending.

Isang Halik at Hanny Chocolate Bars

Natutulala. Ako’y natatawa sa mundo. Kahit anong saklap pala ng nakalipas na araw, tatawa at tatawa ka pa rin. Kasi maraming dahilan para ngumiti. Kahapon, hinalikan ako ni Papa sa pisngi. Hindi ko na mabilang ang taon kung kelan ako huling hinalikan ni Papa. Pagkatapos niya kong halikan, inutusan niya kong bumili ng Hanny sa katabi naming sari-sari store. Sumimangot ako sabay lakad papuntang tindahan.

Pagbalik ko sa bahay, inabot ko kay Papa yung pinabibili niyang tsokolate tapos dumiretso ako sa kusina. Binuksan ko yung ref tapos inilabas ko yung Blueeberry Cheesecake at Coffee Blum cake na pasalubong ko kila Mama galing Trigo Café. Sabay-sabay naming kinain yun nina Mama at Lyn sa sala.

“Napanaginipan daw ng Papa mo na buntis ka. Nakwento niya ba?” tanong ni Mama.

Natulala. Natulalang-natawa ako. Hello, immaculate conception. Paanong mangyayari yun, wala naman akong nakikilalang lalaki? Parang eksena lang sa new testament ang balitang yun ni Mama.

“Baka subconscions lang niya yun, Ma. Hidden desire. Kaso di pa pwede. 24 pa lang ako. Haha,” hirit ko.
Tapos naalala ko yung halik sa pisngi ko ni Papa. Napangiti ako. Ang Papa talaga.

Nung oras na yun, nakaupo si Papa sa bandang pintuan, nakaharap sa labas. Paborito niyang pwesto yun. Siguro gwardya siya nung mga nakalipas niyang buhay. Pero sa buhay niya ngayon, siya ang gwardya ko.
----
Kung bakit dyahe nang magsabi ng I love you ngayon, hindi ko alam. Pero, Pa, mahal kita. ♥

Never Let Her Slip Away

---
This one's really cool. Makes my heart jump-walk. Maybe I should let it once in a while.

Last night, I encountered true love through a couple. The man accepted the woman despite all. It must be the kind of love romance books talk about. It's good that such kinds still exist. Hey, woman, never let him slip away.

In the Still of the Night

the Lion is sleeping.




---
This song is better in a Capella. I just heard four musically talented Jesuit brothers do it last Friday evening over dinner. I wish someday, someone would sing this to me beautifully. Yes, I am demanding.

---
Originally sung by the Five Satins (1956)

Enough!

Enough with emo stuff. Back to the real world where books and readings await my magical hands.

This soundtrack

Made it easier for me to write a quite sad post. :)

Elsewhere

The last message could have been goodbye.

You had to rush somewhere, perhaps to the grocery store for an errand your mother asked you to do. You abruptly turned off the CPU without logging off from Facebook and Yahoo Messenger. I waited impatiently to the next lines coming from your end. The physical distance must have somehow transcended the virtual world, it was taking longer for your words to arrive.

Hours passed. I was still online. Your words, they no longer came. 

Your last message must have been goodbye. 

I am now living my own life. Building and rebuilding dreams now and then. You no longer are a part of those dreams. You used to be in one of them. I painted that perhaps we'd become closer. Perhaps we'd remain friends who find bliss in our squabbles. Or perhaps, we'd just end up happy the way we are with each other even from afar. Perhaps, I'd be happily living my own life, thinking that there, somewhere, is a friend whom I used to be with, who's happy living his own.

Perhapses are no more certain.

And so, I am once again crossing the old bridge. Trying to get from a happy end to a more certain end. The bridge is a shaky bridge. I don't know how I'd be able to cross it, but I will have to get somewhere. I will have to go elsewhere. 

Because you said goodbye.

Headline

Sakaling magbalik sa iyo
Pagkatapos magpalit-anyo ang paligid
Sa ’sang gilid may mga matang nagmamasid
At nag-aabang ng bagong laro

Alam ko
Pagbabayaran ko
Ang nakalimutang tagpo
Pagbabayaran ko

Sa tuwing umaalis at tuwing bumibitaw
Ang puso ko’y nagsusumigaw
Nagpapanggap mang nakangiti pa rin
Dala ang iyong habilin
Ang puso ko’y nagususmigaw
Nagususmigaw

Sakaling magpalit anyo ang ngayon
Magagamot ba ang pait ng kahapon
Pagsisisi’y nakaukit sa naguumpugang bato
Eto na kaya ang bagong laro

(Agawang Base ng bandang Peryodiko)

Personal Taste (Part 1)

My sister lured me to watch another Korean telenovel titled Personal Taste. Her bait--- Lee Min Ho ♥. And so last night, I left my grad school readings deserted for about 2 hours to lay my eyes on one of the earth's most handsome faces. 

On a serious note, I think I'm liking it. :)

Damit

Ang pag-asa

ay patuloy na pagtatagni ng mga napunit na tela ng damit

na mahabang nakatiwangwang sa araw at ulan

Ang pag-asa 

ay pagtatahi ng mga piraso ng tela ng damit 

na di panalampas ng matalim na ngipin ni Tagpi

Ang pag-asa 

ay pagkukumpuni ng tela ng damit

na pinagdugtong ng sinulid ngunit

pinunit ng paulit-ulit na paggupit.

Ang pag-asa 

ay pagtatahi-tahi, pagtagpi-tagpi, at pagtupi-tupi

ng mga dulo ng damit

na di na magdikit.

Falling

Knees tremble

heart falls

sweats 

break free 

fear 

falling 

paves way 

to escape

the loud placidity

of this plain salted life.

On Koala Bears

Koala bears amuse me.

Much more a koala bear man. I do not discount the fact that cheating is a habit of some politicians in the Philippines but as to this supposed expose, the people don't need anonymous expositions. If there's cheating at any corner, show the evidence, take off that mask, and speak up!

Found

For a long time
I sat by the window
waiting for the passing of a sparrow.

I was not looking
when I found
what I was looking for.

One day, I'll do things differently.

I am potential energy.
Hit the play button
(No, the stop)
And I'll go round
and around
and up
down
up
to and
fro.
Or I could just snap it all away
Or I could just snap myself
off to infinite bliss.

Just hit it.

Restart

I cannot wait

until I get to grasp that

pen again

which used to bleed red

and blue

and green

Until my palm kisses

the smoothness of a paper

I cannot put myself to rest. 

I'd be foolish to stop

only to restart

from scratch.

The road not taken

A young woman on a journey once said, "I want to walk the road I did not choose." To this the road she took replied, "All roads lead to one end-- your destiny."

Sacred Heart Novitiate, July 2009

Ang pagpili ng kandidato ay parang pag-ibig.

Nakarelate ako sa palabas na Last Prince ng GMA nung isang araw. Ikakasal na yung babae nang dumating yung lalaking hinintay niya noon. Nakiusap yung lalaking huwag nang magpakasal sa iba yung babae dahil silang dalawa raw ang para sa isa't-isa. Sumagot si babae: "Kung totoong tayo nga ang para sa isa't-isa, sana bumalik ka na noon pa." Eksakto. 

Hindi man ako tiyak sa nangyayari sa labas ng "ako" at ang "akin", sigurado ko naman ngayon sa sarili kong alam ko na ang gagawin ko. Dapat noon ko pa ginawa, pero ngayon lang nagkasense lahat. Pero di pa naman huli. Paalam.

-------

Kung bakit wala pa kong napipiling kandidato sa pagka-bise presidente ay pareho ng kung bakit wala akong magustuhang sensible crush. Pare-pareho kasi sila ng sinasabi, na sila ang palaging maaasahan at kung anu-ano pa. Habang nakasakay sa jeep kagabi, naisip kong di na ako maniniwala sa pinakamatamis na mga salita. Minsan na ring may nangako sa akin pero sa isang iglap lang, binawi niyang lahat iyon. Naniwala ako sa kanya noon. Pero nung malaman kong pareho rin ang sinabi niya sa iba, nawala ang lahat ng pagtitiwala. Ang lahat-lahat. Totoo pala yun. Walang saysay ang mga salita. 

Malapit na kong di maniwala sa fairy tales. 

Pero naniniwala ako sa holiness. Meron talagang isang taong banal ang intensyon sa iyo. Kahit ano pang mangyari. Natagpuan ko na ang iboboto kong congressman pero ang taong banal na mag-iiba ng tingin ko sa namamatay na fairy tales, di pa yata nagigising.

Nakita ko na rin ang iboboto kong Mayor at Vice Mayor. 

Pero ikaw, di pa rin. Baka naman pagdating mo, heto na ang linya ko: "Kung totoong tayo ang para sa isa't-isa, sana dumating ka na noon pa."

If it hurts, act like it doesn't

Finally, she likes to write. Encourage her.
You're dead if you don't.

Boto-boto

Nagkaroon ng mock elections sa UP. Ayon sa resulta, si Villar ang iboboto ng karamihan ng mga taga-UP kung sakaling ngayon na ang eleksyon. Oo, nga't may sariling opinyon ang mga kaeskwela ko. Gayundin naman ako. Napataas ang kilay ko sa balita. Ang problema ay ang mismong resulta. Ano na ang nangyari sa political consciousness ng sinasabing mga cream of the crop? Kung ang kandidato ng cream of the crop ay yung maykayang magpalast-song syndrome sa mga botante, mukhang may problema tayo niyan.

Hindi kasi iyon ang itinuturo ng UP. Sa pagkakaalam ko, lalo na sa kolehiyong pinanggalingan ko, pumipili ng kandidato ang mga taga-UP batay sa kapasidad nitong magdala ng pagbabago at pagtatama sa mga baluktot. Hindi sa kakayahang magbaluktot halimbawa ng kalsada para maiba ang daan. Sa mga palihan sa klase, ayaw ng mga isko at iska ng korapsyon. Maliban na lang kung totoo ang kasabihang iba ang teorya sa praktikal.

Wala nang mahigop na magandang balita pagdating sa eleksyon nitong mga nakalipas na araw. Parang nilagang buto-buto, puro sabaw, walang laman.

Kanina habang nakasakay ako sa tricycle palabas ng lugar namin, nakakita ako ng dilaw na laso. Para sa karamihan ng mga Pilipino, ang ibig sabihin niyon ay kalayaan at katapangan ng mga Pilipino. Ibig sabihin daw niyon ay pagiging malaya ng bayan. Iisa tayo at ang bayang iyan. Tayo ang nakulong sa sarili nating pag-iisip, tayo ang naapi ng sarili nating sistema. 

Ayokong pakain sa sistema. Hangga't maaari, ayokong palamon sa alon.

Ngayong gabi, nakilala ko si Kit

Mahiwaga raw ang bawat bagong pagkilala. Ngayong gabi, muli kong natuklasan ang katotohanang iyon. Nakilala ko si Kit. Isa siyang bulag na nagtitinda ng gulay sa umaga at balot sa gabi sa mga kalye ng lugar namin. Sa unang mga salitang sinabi niya ay napansin ko na ang pagka-matalino't bibo niya. Nalaman ko mula sa maikling pag-uusap namin sa gilid ng bahay ng kaibigan ko kung saan siya tumutuloy na galing pala siyang Bicol. Meron siyang 6 na kapatid na naiwan doon. Gusto niya silang kunin kung kaya't nagpupursige siya sa pagtatrabaho. Malapit si Kit sa simbahan. Aktibo siya sa mga samahan lalo na sa pagkanta at pag-aaral ng bibliya. Sa totoo lang, wala pa akong nakitang bulag na kasing-tingkad ng pagkatao niya. Simple at totoo. Mas totoo pa sa mga taong may paningin. Walang pigil niyang kinuwento ang mga pananaw niya sa buhay. Dalawa sa mga ito ay:

1. Kung may pera, wag nang magpatumpik-tumpik. Iinvest agad ito para lumago dahil mabilis mawala ang perang nasa kamay.

2. Huwag magdalawang-isip sa planong makabubuti sa iyo.

Higit sa lahat, nakita niya ang di nakikita ng ibang tao sa akin. Hinulaan niya ako. Ang sabi niya: Ituloy mo ang planong makabubuti sa iyo. Huwag mong ituloy kung di mo pinag-isipan. Huwag mong iiwan ang mga obligasyon mo dahil iyan ang makakapagpasaya sayo.

Eksakto. Ilang oras bago ko siya makausap, nag-mumuni-muni ako. Iiwan ko na ba ang ngayon? Malinaw ang sagot-- hindi pa oras. Simple lang, dahil masaya pa ako dito. Masaya pa ko dito dahil alam kong dito ako tinawag-- para maglingkod sa abot ng aking makakaya bilang bagong salta sa tunay na mundo. Dito, kung saan maraming paraan para lumago, maraming posibilidad para sumaya. Dito, malaya akong pumili ng mga gusto kong gawin na ayon sa tawag ng puso. Hindi kasing exciting marahil ng pag-akyat ng bundok o pagsisid sa pusod ng dagat, pero sing simple ng pagpasok sa buhay ng mga tao sa paligid ko para maging bahagi ng kanilang ngiti. 

Gusto ko uli siyang makasalamuha. Marami siyang maaaring ituro sa akin.

Happiness's pursuit of me

Hey, happiness keeps pursuing me. 

Kung bakit iba ang bintana ng aking silid

Ako ang dinudungaw 

ng mga dahon ng papaya

na pumapasok 

sa mga siwang 

ng bisagra.

Girl Bestfriends

Hindi ko matandaan kung kelan ako nagsimulang mag-isa sa lahat ng lakad sa mga lugar na pinupuntahan ko. Ang alam ko kasi, sanay akong may kasama. Lumaki akong may kakambal. Iyon bang tinatawag na "bestfriend". Grade 1 pa lang ako, meron na akong madalas kasama, kasabay mag-recess, kasabay lumabas ng gate ng school, kasamang mag-Ten-Twenty, at kasamang nang-aaway sa mga sutil na mga kaklaseng lalaki. Madalas ko noong puntahan sa bahay nila si Gicel. Sinasamahan ko lang siyang kumuha ng tubig o kaya ng naiwang baon, tapos babalik na kami sa school kung saan naghihintay ang masungit naming teacher. Tuwing uwian, sabay kaming bibili ng kung anu-anong tinda sa labas ng gate. Mahilig siya sa ice scramble atsaka palamig. Sinasama niya ako sa tindahan ng Tita niya sa ibaba ng school at doon ay libre kaming makakainom ng palamig na iba't-iba ang kulay. Kay sarap!

Grade 3 kami nung nagsimulang dumalas ang pag-absent ni Gicel. Bihira na kong mag-Ten-Twenty dahil wala akong kakampi. Isang araw dumating ang Lola Gloria niya sa room namin, umiiyak. Nasa ospital raw ang kaibigan ko, patay na. 

Isang beses ko lang dinalaw si Gicel sa burol niya. Mukha pa rin siyang anghel. Inihatid siya ng buong klase sa huling hantungan niya. Hindi ako sumama.

Nagpatuloy ang buhay. Tuwing Undas, palagi kong isinusulat ang pangalan niya sa listahan ng mga patay na pinagdarasal ng buong pamilya.

May isang batang galing sa Section 2 ang lumipat sa section namin. Dahil Rances ang apelyido niya, sa table namin siya napabilang. Isang apelyido lang ang pagitan naming dalawa kaya halos magkatabi kami sa upuan. Nang malipat ang Santos sa kabilang section, tuluyan na kaming nagkatabi at mula noon ay di na naghiwalay. Sabay kaming kumain, maglaro, magbasa, at sumali sa choir na inatrasan ko dahil sinabihan akong boses ipis ng choir master. Iyon ang panahong alam ko na ang salitang bestfriend kaya minarkahan namin ang isa't-isa bilang matalik na magkaibigan. Maging ang una naming naging crush, mag-bestfriend.

Pinaghiwalay kami ng graduation. Napunta ako sa Roosevelt, siya sa NCBA. Nagsusulatan pa rin kami hanggang maging parehong busy sa sariling buhay-buhay. Huling kita namin ay noong 10th year reunion ng klase nung gradeschool. Hindi na kami tulad ng dati na di tatayo sa upuan kung wala ang isa. 

Isang bagong bestfriend ang natuklasan ko nung high school. "Natuklasan" dahil matagal ko na siyang kilala. Magkababata kami. Nagkataong sa school niya ako nag-enroll nung high school kaya napadalas na sabay kaming pumapasok at umuuwi. Di iilang pagkakataon din kaming napagkamalang magkambal. Siguro ay dahil pareho kami ng taas, kulay ng balat at haba ng buhok. Di kami umuuwi nang di kasama ang isa. Kung may PE naman ang isa, ay tagabitbit ng damit pauwi ang isa. Alam namin ang latest sa buhay ng isa't-isa. Alam ng mga kwarto namin ang aming mga teeny-bopper secrets. Ganun kami hanggang nung mga unang dalawang taon ng kolehiyo.

Isang araw, iba na ang tabas ng buhok niya. Napadalang na ang pagpunta namin sa bahay ng isa't-isa. Ilang taon ang lumipas at nagpunta na siya ng Hongkong. Hindi siya nagpaalam sakin. Biglaan daw kasi. Pero nag-uusap pa rin kami sa Facebook.

Kanina habang nasa jeep papuntang opisina, naalala ko ang mga bestfriends ko at kung gaano kabilis ang pagpapalit ng panahon. Ngayon, sanay na pala kong mag-isa. Pero gayunpaman, punong-puno ng mga kasiyahan at kwentong magbestfriends ang puso ko. Bahagi sila ng buhay kong di mabubura kailanman.

Somewhere out there

Somewhere out there. Singing somewhere.

On Burdens

A young woman on a journey once complained, "I couldn't go on anymore. This world is too heavy a burden for me."

To this the World replied, "Young woman, you must remember, you are standing on my grounds."

Kay Pambura

Naiinggit ako kay papel
kasi meron siyang katulad mo.

Sa paghahanap, dapat Walang Sugat

Ang nakalipas na gabi ay gabi ng Walang Sugat. Kasama si CCP, aming pinanood ang pagtatanghal ng isang sarswela ni Severino Reyes o mas kilala sa tawag na Lola Basyang. Iyon ang kauna-unahang pagkakataong nakapanood ako ng isang sarswela. Kulang ang salitang mahusay upang ilarawan ang kabuuan ng presentasyon.

Ang sarswelang maituturing na comediane humaine ay umiikot sa buhay pag-ibig nina Julia at Kapitan Temyong at sa buhay pag-ibig ng mga Pilipino sa kanilang Inang Bayan. Pinakikita nito kung paanong ang pag-ibig ay tumatagos mula sa tao palabas sa kanyang bayan at mula sa bayan papasok sa tao. Nilalaman ng sarswela ang pag-ibig na nagpapagulong sa ating kasaysayang pansarili at pambayan. Sa saliw ng musikang Pilipino, itinatampok ng sarswela ang kulturang atin at ang paraan ng ating pagsasabuhay ng ating mga damdamin. 

Sa bandang huli, ipinakikita ng sarswela na ang busilak na pag-ibig ay walang sugat. Nasasaktan, nalilito, nabubulagan, nasisiyahan, nalulungkot, nangungulila, nananabik, ngunit nananatiling walang sugat.

Sa sasakyan pauwi kagabi, napagkasunduan namin ni CCP na hanapin ang may-ari ng katauhan ni Kapitan Temyong. Sadyang nakakaakit ang kanyang tinig at ang kanyang tindig. Sino kaya si ANF? 

Kasabay niyon, naisip kong sa kabila ng pagnanaknak ng sugat ng bayan, kailangang manatiling walang sugat ang pag-ibig natin para dito. Alagaan natin ang pag-ibig na ito. Upang sa pang-araw-araw na buhay, ay mayroon tayong sapat na lakas upang lumaban. 

Isang EDSA

Para sa akin, isa lang ang EDSA. At iyon yung naganap 24 na taon na ang nakaraan. 

Kinikilala ko ang rebolusyong itong sinilaban ng kagutuman hindi ng tiyan ng kapangyarihan  kundi ng diwa at kaluluwa ng isang bayang iniluwal sa kahirapan. Nang mga panahong iyon, ang lumaban ay para sa bayan. Hindi para labanan ang isang tao o pamilya, kundi para labanan ang pwersang nagdudulot ng uri ng tao o pamilyang kumakamkam sa lahat ng maaaring kamkamin. Ang lumaban noon ay para itaya ang buhay para sa kalayaan mula sa pagkabulag.

Hindi tulad ng ibang EDSA na naging labanan ng tao sa tao, ng politiko sa politiko, ng walang pag-asang maidudulot laban sa isa pang wala ring maidudulot na tama. 

Hindi ako naniniwala sa ibang EDSA maliban sa EDSAng kinamulatan ko simula noong 2 buwang gulang pa lamang ako. May mga kung anong nagliliparang maingay sa itaas ng bubong namin, at may kulay dilaw. At may isang balong nakadilaw ang naglakas loob humarap sa taumbayan. Hindi niya kailangan ng kapangyarihan ngunit kinailangan niya ito para samahan ang bayan sa laban. 

Ang mga sumunod na EDSA ay gaya-gaya lang. Totoong pag-aaklas, pero kulang sa rebolusyon. Walang dilaw. May layas, walang laya.

Ang EDSAng nangyari 24 taong na lumipas, ay makapangyarihan. Nabigyan nito ng damit ang bayan. Manipis pero sapat na para sabihing mahirap man ay may dangal.

Wanted: Crush

It’s been lightyears since I had a serious crush. By serious crush, I mean, someone who actually exists in my existing life. Not one who’s gone and done, not one who’s there but will never be.

The last time  I had a serious crush,  I crashed. But then life is about making mistakes and correcting them. And I think there’s no better time to look around but now. It’s gonna be one heck of an effort for me to catch the next one but I’m daring myself.

So my project for this year would be to find one crush. Just one.

Give me this.

(Hilda goes to the front door, grasping a wooden board on the left hand, on the right, a nail and hammer. Tok, tok, tok. Gets done. On her door now hangs the board inscribed with the words:  "Wanted: Crush”)

Kay Papel

Kung paanong galing ka sa buhay na pinatay

Gayun din naman, ika'y bibigyang buhay

ng mga salaysay na meron at walang saysay

Kahit alam kong iyo'y di papantay

sa kayang itagal sana ng puno mong nanay

Patawad kung wala akong maindatay 

na ginhawa sa'yong buhay na pinatay

kundi ang kaunting salaysay buhay-buhay

na malaon di'y mamamatay.

-h

Matins

You want to know how I spend my time?
I walk the front lawn, pretending
to be weeding. You ought to know
I'm never weeding, on my knees, pulling
clumps of clover from the flower beds: in fact
I'm looking for courage, for some evidence
my life will change, though
it takes forever, checking
each clump for the symbolic
leaf, and soon the summer is ending, already
the leaves turning, always the sick trees
going first, the dying turning
brilliant yellow, while a few dark birds perform
their curfew of music. You want to see my hands?
As empty now as at the first note.
Or was the point always
to continue without a sign? 


Louise Gluck

Ashes to Ashes

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and it was an obligation for all Catholics to attend the mass. Fr. Joey Cruz, S.J., had a very heartwarming homily which I copied from a list mail. To whoever it is who posted this on the blueboard, much thanks! 


I wanted to write more about my recent realizations on Ash Wednesday and more importantly on God's love but I'd save that for a later time. I just found the urge to pass on this wonderful homily that's why.


Now let me share it to everyone. 


Do you or someone you know have among your things denims that have small tears in them perhaps at the knee signifying cool casualness?

During the time of Jesus, those who wanted to manifest sorrow for their sin tore their clothes or covered their bodies with ash.


We will soon approach the sanctuary to have ash marked on our forehead, with the words said: "Remember you are dust and unto dust you will return."
The ash marking will be slight and merely suggestive of bodies being covered with ash a la taong grasa, but expect nonetheless our hearts awakened anew and stoked into flame in love of God.


Ash on our forehead makes us own up to our humanity and to our ability to disfigure ourselves.


Consider the lies we make, the little and big thievery we engage in, the disconnect that exists between what we do and the plight of the many.


Consider the habit of being preoccupied with self, the excesses we commit due to a sense of emptiness, the addictions that we are so adept at denying even to ourselves.


Consider the violence at home in word and deed and how we reserve our choicest arsenal of pain for members of the household.


Ash -- of little weight, blown away, insignificant -- is an image of human lives fragile, broken, drifting in the wind, of no obvious value, but always and without fail infused with God's life, fallen yes but redeemed, hurting perhaps but summoned always to draw strength from God's life-giving love.


The real revelation then is that ash though we are, we are brought to life and sustained by God's life-giving love; that insignificant though we may seem, we carry God's life within us. We are called to great things. We are God's daughters and sons.


Ash Wednesday is about our humanity; but more importantly still, it is about God's magnanimity. It speaks about God seeking us, about Him pursuing us even when we drift away, about Him not giving up on us.


The earthquake in Haiti might remind us of another that took place in Armenia some years ago.
In the muddled chaos, a distressed father ran through the winding streets leading to the school where his son had gone earlier that morning. The man could not stop thinking about the promise he gave his son many times. "No matter what happens, Armand," he would say, "I'll always be there for you."


But where the school had once stood, nothing remained except for a large heap of debris. With bare hands, he started digging, pulling up brick and wood where his son's classroom had been.
A bystander, in an effort at solidarity, said: "You can stop now, all the children must be dead."
But the man, with nothing but his son in mind, kept digging and digging, for hours and hours.
12 hours went by..... 18 hours..... 24 hours..... 36 hours..... and finally into the 38th hour he heard a muffled groan from under a piece of wallboard. Pulling it back, he called out, "Armand!" and from the darkness came a slight, shaking voice, "Papa?"
14 of the 33 students survived. Young Armand turned to his friends and said, "See, I told you my father will not forget us."


The ash on our forehead marks us as God?s daughters and sons whom he loves and will never abandon.


With the words then, "you are dust," we are told everything we are:
nothingness filled with eternity; death teaming with life; dust invigorated with God's life for always.(Rahner)


At this mass, even as we acknowledge who we are, let us declare whose we are.
Blessings on you all this Lent.

Saanman

Nakausap ko si Lola kagabi matapos ang mahabang panahon na rin ng di namin pagpapansinan dahil masyado akong lango sa trabaho at trabaho, di ko inakalang mag-fi-field trip pala kami sa probinsya at Kalookan kung saan nakatira ang mga ebidensya ng kanyang mga alaala. Hindi kasi kita nakita. Paalis ka na nung dumating ako. Di mo na nahintay akong magsalita nang maayos.

Di ko man lang naitanong sayo kung pwede mo ba kung isama sa fire truck mo tuwing reresponde kayo sa sunog ng mga kasama mo. O kaya kung pwede mo rin ba akong turuang kumanta katulad nung kantang tinuro mo sa tatay ko nung maliit pa siya,di na maalala ni Lola ang pamagat ng kantang yun. Sinubukan niyang kantahin pero di ko na maintindihan ang tono niya, parang tunog ng maluwag na string ng gitara. Tumugtog ka rin daw ng gitara at magaling ka pang sumayaw. Sabi ni Lola madalas ka raw maimbitahan noon sa mga sayawan. Kaya ka ba naging babaero? Playboy ka raw sabi ni Lola. Madalas mo raw siyang daanan sa Prime (patahian kung saan nananahi si Lola) pagkagaling mo sa munisipyo at sabay kayong uuwi. Siguro mahal mo si Lola. Siguro. Kasi nagkaron kayo ng 4 na anak. Tatlo sa apat na yun, sayo kumuha ng itsura at ugali. Nakopya ni Papa halos lahat sa'yo, pati ang boses mo.

Alam mo bang ang boses ni Papa ang gumigising sakin pag tulog ako, literal tsaka hindi. Kapag tulog ang diwa ko, naibabalik yun ng boses ni Papa. Kaya pala, boses mo rin pala yun.

Sabi ni Lola, dinalhan mo siya ng makinang may motor nung dinalaw mo siya sa Bicol, pagkatapos niyong maghiwalay o pagkatapos kayong "paghiwalayin ng tadhana", sabi nga ni Lola. Gusto ko sanang itanong kay Lola kung mahal ka pa rin ba niya pagkatapos ng lahat?

Hinihimas-himas ni Lola ang kaliwang braso ko habang nag-uusap kami. Tinitingnan niyang parang telang tatahiin ang braso ko.

"Ganitong-ganito ang braso ni Guiller, mabalahibo," sabi ni Lola.

Pag tumitingin ako sa braso ko ngayon, naiisip kong di mo pala ko iniwan.

Of Fears

I have been bogged down with anxiety thoughts lately. I am overwhelmed with an array of must-dos that need grave planning. Even my dreams tell me so. Recently, my dreams revolve around sequences of falling and climbing, and monsters, and friends, of running-aways,and of facing-ups. I'm afraid that I am being too careful that I can't seem to get things started. What if I just knock these fears right off their faces?

Boom!

I need some explosives here.

Not the kind that burns the skin. I want the one that burns the heart, and melts it, turning it into a boiling liquid that flows all around me. I want to be able to sprinkle the world with the warmth of happiness and sorrow, and hatred, and angst, and bliss, and, yes, love. How will I do it? I don't know. I just need some trigger.

Set the fire. That's what I need to do. I need to set my tasks aflame. Now.

Now back to work.

November

I was scared to be alone,
Now I'm scared that's how I'd like to be.

On UP and why we should free the knots

Last night, I finally was able to sit in front of the idiot box for a whole feature-movie length period. Impatient as I am with moving pictures, last night was a success for me for I was able to at last finish a movie. Yes, I didn't last for longer than the first 10 minutes of James Cameron's record-breaking Avatar. (To my sister's disbelief, the movie got me bored at the next sequence after Jake's introduction of Pandora. Fortunately for her, she got to finish it.) But yesterday was not one of those days.

And for that, UP (2009) was a success for me and here are the reasons why:

First: It was light and heavy at the same time. The 3D images of kids at the first sequence caught the attention of the child within me. I might just be missing those days. Nevertheless, I liked the aggressiveness of little Ellie and the passivity of little Mr. Fredricksen. As the story unfolds, it's good I followed through the real adventure of these two people. It was a childhood dream turned into reality by Mr. Fredricksen and oh, that cute little, egg-shaped boy who loved chocolates.

Second: It was a showcase of the clash between the past and the present amidst the prevailing power of the now. Mr. Fredricksen couldn't let go of Elli's memories. This stubbornness was shown in his going against the construction of a new road that needed to pass through his lot. He cheated the men from the retirement village who were supposed to bring him to the old people's place. And he went up, up and away not knowing that on his house's porch was little egg boy aiming to catch the snipe  and help Mr. Fredricksen cross from somewhere to somewhere so he could get that Helping the Elderly badge.

Third: It was about crossing from somewhere to somewhere. Ultimately, Mr. Fredricksen took on the adventures of the now by letting go. He let go of Ellie. He let go of the part of him that always yearned for times gone.

The movie poked me to do just the same so I could fly up, up and away.

Thanks to whoever it is who conceived of a Jesuit University President's day which is why I had the luxury of time to sit and reflect in front of the television after what seemed to me a long while.

Reserved

En route to the office this morning, I met the man I first had a crush on. As I was on my usual brisk walking mode, I was already a stride away when I recognized him. I smiled at myself at the sudden thought and went ahead with my walking, post observing that he still has the same handsomeness bettered with age. Too bad, he's too old for me plus for a fact, he's married. So delete that handsomeness observation dear damsel and stress the point that he's way old now whilst you're young and free.

Speaking of free. Not in the sense that I'm available or what. I am--- reserved, that is. :)

---

Despite the stories that etch the concept of happy-ever-afters away, fairy tales still hold true in my heart. I believe that we are all meant for something great and beautiful not because we deserve it but because God wanted the best for us. Whatever we end up with is a result of our choices.

---

Now that's all for now. Out of my head, back to the world.

Walang pumapasok sa isip ko ngayon

Kaya magsusulat na lang ulit ako.

Nabigla yata ako sa dami ng kailangang gawin ngayong taon. Punung-puno na naman ako ng pag-asa at mga plano. Binubudburan ko na naman ng gantt charts ang buhay. Plano sa ministry, plano sa trabaho, plano sa graduate school. Plan A, B, C. Sana wag naman akong sumemplang ngayong taon. Inaamin kong palpak ang 2009. Pero sana akin na ang taong ito. Hindi pala sana, akin na. Akin ang taong ito.

Sa ngayon.

Momentum ang tawag dito. Punong-puno ako ng laman na kailangang isabog sa bawat araw dahil kung hindi lagot ako sa nanay ko, sa tatay ko, sa lola ko, sa boss ko, sa mga magiging prof ko, sa parish priest namin. Pero gayunpaman, matapos ang lahat, pumalpak man ako ulit o lumipad sa alapaap, ipinapangako ko sa sarili kong mamahalin ko pa rin siya.

Sabi nga nila, human beings tayo, di human doings. Kailangang isaksak ko yan sa isip ko ngayon pa lang para kung sakali e walang bitteran.

Life is good. Life will still be life kahit mamatay ako. Kaya kailangan kong bigyang hustisya ang buhay sa pamamagitan ng mga pang-araw-araw kong ginagawa. Ang lakas nga ng loob kong magsulat ngayon. I-ni-link ko pa sa Facebook ang blog ko para mabasa ng lahat. Wag lang sana niyang mabasa yung mga post na may kinalaman sa kanya, kung sakali wag sana siyang mag-assume dahil as usual, idedeny ko. Salamat kay Jas sa pagsasabing, "Live in the now."

---

Napakinggan ko yung interview ni Jo Taruc kay GMA kahapon tungkol sa mga nagawa ng huli sa Pilipinas bago ito tuluyang (sanang) bumaba ng pwesto. Marami rin naman talaga siyang nagawa, may sense din naman ang economic impact niya sa bansa. Buti may boses pa siyang inihaharap sa mundo pagkatapos ng lahat. Kapag naaalala ko kasi ang boses niya, isa lang ang tunog na umaalingawngaw sa isip ko: "I am sorry."

---

Babalik na ko sa realidad kung saan naghihintay sakin ang mga mahal kong gantt charts.

Flashes

I wanna go back to the times when my only problems were:
... where to keep my toys
... what Mama would cook or buy for merienda
... how to sneak out during siesta
... what furniture to use so I could reach the pantry cabinet where Mama kept the popcorn box
... what time would Papa come home
... what to order at Jollibee after our Sunday mass
... what time would my playmates appear on our backyard
... how to get perfect scores in test
... what to draw
... pleading for Mama to take me to the market with her
... where to find my lost big yellow doll
... what trick to do with my younger sister
... what to give the monkey at the Wildlife
... how to hide from the magsasako

How does one disentangle herself with memories?

As the hands of the clock turn
Memories become shreds of tissues
that go 'round
and around
and around

They go 'round
and around
and go

Deep
Deeper
Deeper
to the deepest

Uniting themselves with
the cells
that are the very substance
of life

Now how does one
disentangle herself with tissues
of memories gone 'round
and around
and around
and deep
deeper
to the deepest?

To Past

I had a wonderful Sunday. After the fruitful youth ministry meeting, Jas, Cristy and I went to eat fishballs at UP. I really missed setting foot on that beloved campus, much more tasting its street foods with friends. After chit-chatting and eating, we walked to the UP chapel for the mass. And voila! Someone poked me as I was wiping my dear eyeglasses-- it's Mean!

Oh, how I missed spending time with this pretty friend of mine. We promised to see each other this week to catch up and perhaps to discuss about that guy in blue.

---

On our way home, Jas opened the topic of love. And I was surprised to find myself babbling about the orange guy. I told them I was not ready to open myself up to relationships, not at this point, when I knew that deep inside, there would always be a part of me remembering how good it was for the sky to be painted with the color of the sunset.

Then Jas said, "Live in the now."

---

It had been hard to live in the here and now. It would be for a long time. But I have learned the tricks somehow.

And today, I choose to be happy with the rising of the sun.

One-Hand

Don't wonder
if I find solace in observing
than in being
I need to look and stare
a glimpse is enough
so I could tell

I don't need to feel love
to know it's there
It's enough that I see
I hear
I feel
to write

I don't need another hand to hold mine
I need my hand to be free
so I could write.

I don't know what to write about

I am rather confused with the way things happen now in my life. But I am comforted with the fact that my God is here with me, seeing me through it all.

Right now.

Restless

It is that perennial immateriality dwelling between living and dying
crouched in the corners and grappling by the hinges
only to remain unseen;
We weave our web of what we believe we understand
of the relationship of our acts and events
only to remain misunderstood;
From that odd wisp of steam of heated discussions
to the urgent hiss of a new page calling;
I teeter on that thin ice --
That single space of uncertainty --
And I ask
“What am I doing here?”.


by Cecilia Borromeo

What's on my mind?

You.

Chos.

Back to work.

Oh, Danny Boy

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

Come home soon, Uncle. Lola is waiting.

Live Life to the Fullest

Starting today, I will remind myself more of the following values. :)

Each of us has our own way of life, "indifferences" as they call it. But the reality is that even how different we are and the way we live, there are universal truths, values and principles that are governing our world. These truths are both simple and general that if you try to learn and apply them in your life, a great change can happen.

Such truth gives other people a chance to find their place in this world and to live their life to its fullness. While for others who does not, makes their life so dull, hard and miserable.

How can you live your life to the fullest?

Knowing the answer can make your life as happier as it should be.

Start knowing, learning and living the truths of the secrets to good life that is a life lived to its fullness.

1) Live Today

Past cannot be brought back and the future will always be uncertain. Today is yours, so make the most of it.

2) Maintain Balance

Your life is affected by the four aspects that are mental (brain), emotional (heart), spiritual (faith) and physical (body). Learn to maintain balance of the four aspects, for as Spice girls have sung, "Too much of something is bad".

3) Forgive and Forget

The only person that suffers when you do not forgive is you. The other person is probably caring less of what you feel. Be kind to yourself and forget about it.

4) Accept Change as Part of Life

The more you can adapt to change, the easier your life is because change can open bigger and better possibilities for you, if only you would accept it.

5) Visit Places You Have Never Been

Seeing a new place let you discover and learn more of other things in your life. It helps you expand your perspective and horizon.

6) Read Books

The best way to live is through continuously learning. Try to be better than your current self. Keep expanding and growing.

7) Attend Classes

Just like the swimming lessons you have always wanted to take back in high school. Remember that you would never be too old to learn and discover where you really can win and be happy.

8) Take Time to Make Memories and Keep Your Journals

We should not wait for memories to happen, we should make memories happen. Find time to create memories with others. Make a note of each moment you do not want to forget, both the good and bad. Read your journal once in a while to see how far you have gone along. Surely, it will make you SMILE.

9) Capture the Moments

The ability to retrieve a memory decreases exponentially unless boosted by artificial aids like photographs and videos. Start taking those pictures you would like to look back in your old days.

10) Smile

Nothing beats a cheerful heart and mind. Be happy regardless. Make the world a better place to live in. Start sharing your sweet smile.

11) Join a Club

You can learn more about yourself by exposing yourself to other people and learning from them. It will help you and everyone else grow. We evolve at the rate of the tribe we are plugged into.

12) Learn to Give

The old saying would always be true, "The more you give, the more you receive". Our value as human being resides on what we can give and not on our capacity of receiving. Start spreading goodness by giving.

13) Spend Time with the Young Ones.

There is no better stress reliever than the joy and positive feeling given by the free spirit of a young one.

14) Open Your Ears to the Elders

Listening to the old ones makes you a year wiser. Remember, the best way to learn and avoid extreme failure is through the experiences of others.

15) Accept and Manage Failure

Do not be afraid to make mistake. Most successful people have gone thru multiple failures. A great treasure of wisdom is hidden on every failure.

16) Take Risk

Life is full of chances and you do not live if you do not take chances. As they say, the higher the risk the higher possibility of success.

17) Cry

Who said that boys and big girls do not cry? You need to cry, it eases the burden plus it will keep you from having diseases that is caused by emotional pains.

18) Respect Other Peoples Opinion

Who wins in an argument? Keep yourself from arguments. Nothing is solved with a heated talk. Learn to listen to what others may say without necessary believing and taking them as true for you.

19) Take a Break

Reward yourself for a days' work. Take that break, you deserve it and you need it in re-energizing yourself to another day of work.

20) Work Smart, not hard

The most stressed people are those who do not know how to work smart. Do not take the entire task to yourself. Remember, you are not alone in this world. Learn to maximize and trust the abilities of others. It is not a weakness to ask for help.

21) Be Yourself

Do not try to act like someone else just to please everyone. You do not have to, plus you cannot. Stand firm to who you are. Eventually, you would discover who are worth keeping in your life from those who are not.

22) Start Caring

People do not care how much you know, they want to know how much you care. Start caring and let the people know that you care. Remember, that relationship is more lasting than accomplishments and prestige.

23) Meditate

Take a time to be with yourself and be silent. Such can relax the fast-pace life you are in and helps you discover more of whom you are and who you can become.

24) Discover Your Definite Purpose

Life is a journey. As you go along your journey, set your maps. Discover the right you at the right place and time. To help you discover, ask yourself, "If there was no praise or criticism in the world, then who would you be?"

Once you know the answer, you are right there.

25) Live Life with the World

Do not live for yourself alone; remember that there are other people and creatures that surrounding this world. Even if we are not aware, every move and actions we take creates an effect to others.

So learn to take responsibility of your actions. And start contributing your knowledge and experience for the benefit of the whole world.

Life is not easy nor that tough neither. Having a good life and living our life to its fullness is merely a choice. So make that choice to live life to it is fullest.

This article was written by Lou Macabasco of Live Life to Fullest. Live Life to Fullest is a motivation and personal development blog, a journey to life successes while living it to the fullest. Life is a journey and not a destination. Our mission is to be of motivation and inspiration that is useful in your own day to day journey to life and success. How we do it is by ultimately helping you realize your potentials and enhance it further. For we strongly believe, that a life lived fully starts with oneself.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lou_Macabasco

Missing points

With you words that form phrases and sentences go unquoted just like a newborn babe is not borne with a dress on or a seed does not carry with it a fertilizer With you words are just that fresh and new and withering just like a book thats never opened or a door thats never closed or a slipper kept inside a closet A writer once said he never uses punctuations to let his readers catch their own breath and I thought you take my breath away But then the chase is never ending circling around like a roller coaster that my breath almost ends itself in utter lost of air

Saturday Gladness

This is my most productive day of the week. I'm so happy with the way the ministry evaluation went on today. I'm sure everything will turn out right this year. See, this day made everything so bright in terms of work. This day pushed me to think on my plans vis-a-vis God's plans. I can't wait to go back to the office and start sprinkling fairy powder all around my room. :)

But the day is far from over yet, I still have to edit some files for our church's newsletter, work on the communications program gantt chart, ponder on ways to move forward with the previous projects, etc. Of course, the filing. I still have to organize everything and I don't want to get tired.
Perhaps I should take a walk around tonight to spot people for the BEC Youth gathering?

Oh, I also thought of writing a poem I already wrote in mind. Wait!

Make things happen

Today I believe only one thing: MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

And everything follows.

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Our youth ministry will meet again tonight to discuss plans for 2010. I am much excited about the plans of the team for this year. After the core group bonding we had the previous year, I think it's high time that we end our incubation period and finally shift our focus to the young people who are not among us. I'd like us to aim for those youths who want to be active in the mission of the church. At the end, I want all of us to be one in vision. Anything is possible if we just make things happen.

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Why do I have the sensing that Cesar Mancao's testimonies against Sen. Panfilo Lacson, however true, are just his tactics to gain more media exposure as he is running for a government position in their province? Whatever happened to this country's pure love for justice?


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I came across a good reading in the internet lately. Here's the link: http://www.scribd.com/doc/23711234/What-Matters-Now

I'm back to my core somehow.