Reading signs

I used to think that God spoke to me through signs. For a long time in my life, I believed that He communicated with me through things and symbols. Pachelbel canon rang in the forthcoming connections with my first love, floods in my dreams connoted a problem in the family, disrupted schedules of activities with a special someone meant not-for-each-other, disinterest to show up to an event meant something wrong is going to happen, etc. etc.-- assumptions which, in retrospect, proved to be right.

But somewhere along my journey, I have gradually lost touch with my sign-reading capacity in certain important areas of life. 

While reading today's gospel, I felt that indeed, I now have difficulty decoding signs. Sometimes, God is already shouting His message to me, but I have gone deaf to them. These days, I tend to think about things my own way, relishing the new-found independence I've gotten from being a young professional. I have forgotten about my focal point-- His Love. Fear of rejection, fear of being out-of-control, fears conjured from bitter experiences all the more make me lose focus,  hence, my losing of the gift of reading signs from my Father. Something got me blinded-- myself.

And knowing this, from this point onward, I'll try to mend my blinded eyes by clearing away pride, fears, and false courage. I recognize that alone, I cannot make it. And that I have a Father God.