In pursuit of a map

I am struggling to find something these days. That something I don't know what but when I find it, I'd know. It may read weird, but that's how I describe it in my head. You know that feeling of wanting something you don't know yet? That's what's been lingering in my head lately.

I feel a sense of restlessness, of wanting to go to someplace else in pursuit of something. Perhaps satisfaction? Because most of the things on my lap right now are dissatisfying? Perhaps answers? because what people give are just cues to them? Perhaps courage? Because I am no longer sure where I want to go? I have this vague idea of where I want to be in life but I don't know how to get there. And that sense of not knowing frightens me.

Or do I have to go someplace else to see these things? Can old folks be lying when they say that things I need in life already lie within me, in a reservoir of light waiting to be tapped? If so, is there a map to go within me so I can finally access it? Or should I just rely on trickles and glimpses of that light?

I'm clueless, restless, in a breathless mode of unknowingly wanting. But I'm moving, walking towards somewhere.

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For this week, the theme is finding lost things and lost selves. Replays.